September 21, 2011

Hello All,

Some of you may know and others my not, though three years ago yesterday (September 20^th) we lost Mags to cancer. Wow, it has been three years; I have no idea where the time went.

There are many people who still check this blog and that makes me happy because people are thinking about Mags.  I will be making more posts to this blog as writing about Mags helps me to remember the many gifts that I received from her and keep them present in my life.

In July of this year I went to South Africa for Mags’ Dad’s (Peter) 70^th birthday celebration. The last time that I was in South Africa was November ’08 for the memorial services for Mags. So it was great to spend time with Mags’ (and my) friends, see their children who have grown these last three years and spend quality time with my African family, Since I was there for the month of July, I also got to play with lion cubs, feed giraffe by hand, see Cameron and Liam (John + Jen’s boys) sit on an ostrich, explore a cave, run in a half marathon (13.1 miles), get chased by wild monkeys (they look cute until they start to chase you), walk up to wild zebra who thought they were horses, fly in an ultra-light over Victoria Falls in Zambia, ride an elephant, fly over Jo’Burg in a helicopter, and drink quite a bit of very fine wine during dinners with wonderful family and friends.

There were so many times when I felt Mags’ presence, which allowed me to laugh a lil bit more and be sad at the same time and it was all OK.  Mags led a very full life and during my time with her we got to experience so much. From nervously falling in love, to making the London – New York relationship work, to getting engaged and her moving to New York, to knowing what it feels like to be completely committed to someone, to have the fairy tale year, a wonderful wedding with two honeymoons, to fighting the cancer, and to be able to give her comfort till her last days. We treasured every moment that we got and made the best of every situation we encountered along the way. So I know that she would want us (me) to be happy, though would understand the sadness. It is easier said than done, though no one ever said that it would be easy. I am happy that I have so much love and support in this journey.

There was a very tender moment at Peter’s birthday dinner in Knysna in the Western Cape Provence. Peter gave a lil speech after some prompting. One of the things that he did was acknowledged our sadness around missing Mags that we all felt. It gave us all a chance to be sad together, to comfort each other, and support each other. Tears flowed as I was surrounded with love. I am certain that Mags was there crying and smiling with us. My heart was a little lighter at the end of the dinner as we all raced home for ice cream, which would have made Mags very happy.

On the way back from Knysna, I drove with Peter and Elna and we stayed with Jen’s parents (Martin and Maire) at Little Switzerland in the Drakendberg for a few days. The Drakensberg is a gorgeous mountain range great for hiking, checking out the wild life, or just lounging and enjoying nature lost in your own thoughts. About an hour away is the Didima camp, which is where I first got to spend some time with Mags hiking up the ravines. It was also where I got up enough courage to hold her hand, which led to my initial nick name, the “Friendly American.” About three-quarters of the way up the mountain behind the camp is a rock outcropping; which is where we sprinkled some of her ashes in ‘08.  One day while at Little Switzerland, Peter and Elna took me to Didima and we spent some time at that out cropping together talking about Mags. It was a sad moment, though ok to be sad. Each time I experience those sad moments I walk away a little more OK.  I still miss her terribly, though I also know that she would want me (and all of you) to be happy.  Sometimes being sad is on the path to being happy again; at least that is what I am discovering.

For the last part of this entry, I want to tell you about Mags and her relationship to flowers; she loved them. When she first moved to New York to be with me she explained that flowers were for “anytime” and should not be used as “sorry” flowers. I am not sure how she came to that conclusion, though I am sure that there is a story there somewhere. While Mags was spontaneous, a pronouncement like that was a very deliberate decision.

So I decided then that she should have fresh flowers often.  In New York there are flower stands on every corner so we had lots to choose from. Within a few days of old flowers being discarded, I would buy her a fresh bunch. It always made her smile and she always appreciated my effort.  Sometimes when we would be walking home together and there were no flowers in our flat, I would just stop walking. She would stop and look at me and wonder why I stopped. She would see a smile slowly creeping into my face and then follow my eyes to the flowers right beside us and she would smile also. The first few times I did this, I would say that I think we need to get some, though at later times, all I needed to do was stop and smile. She would quickly go about assessing which flowers were ready to bloom and which ones were past their prime. I enjoyed watching her going about her very meticulous selection process.

So I have a request to anyone reading this post. Sometime in the next few days buy a bunch of flowers for someone who you care about and surprise them. And when you give the flowers to that person, tell them what you appreciate most about them. Remember flowers are not for being sorry; they are to be enjoyed and appreciated. If you do this (and I really hope that you do) I invite you to post your comment about the smiles you will create with this gesture.

Lots of Love,

Greg (and Mags)

February 23 Update

Hello All,

 

It has been quite some time since my last entry. Thanks to those that have been checking this blog (and checking on me) on a regular basis, it reminds me that people are thinking about us and that helps me a great deal.

 

It has been five months and three days since Mags died. A great deal has happened since then and yet there are times that I cannot imagine that that much time has passed.

 

I was in a whirlwind after Mags’ death with memorial services in New York, Orpington, UK, and Johannesburg, SA. I am very glad that I was able to be present for all of the services. It was an opportunity to share my sadness with so many wonderful people. I am still humbled by the outpouring of love and support from our family, friends, Mags’ school (Head Mistress, teachers, children, and parents), her childhood friends, everyone. I knew that we (Mags and I) had great people in our lives, though I did not fully understand the depth until I had nothing left to give and everyone was there to hold me up in their own unique way; I felt so blessed. When I finally arrived back in NY on December 4^th, there was a whole new adjustment that I needed to make; life without Mags.

 

The holidays were much more difficult than I expected. For Christmas I dove up to my Mum’s house in Milford Connecticut. Part of me just wanted to stay home alone and another part wanted to be with my family. This was an even numbered year which meant that most of my brothers and sisters would be at their in-laws and we would have a “second” Iorio Christmas as a whole family later in January. So, I spent Christmas with my Mum, my brother Salvatore, and their fun neighbors. The food was the traditional usual. We started with a cold Italian antipasti and moved on to the almond roasted baked pasta and all of the great side dishes; the artichokes, mushrooms, meatballs, and ribs. I wound up helping in the kitchen as I usually do and it helped keep my mind from getting too sad. It was a great meal and it was great to be with them. There was also an implicit sadness that was ever present, though not discussed. I saw it in Salvatore’s face and he tried to make the best of things and keep things up beat, which was a good strategy. My Mum was more transparent. I could see the sadness in her eyes, though I could not speak to it. Every time I tried, tears welled up in my eyes. I knew that she was hurting, though I had no capacity to comfort her or even to share my feelings at that time; my hurt was just too deep. It was all overwhelming for me and I left that evening to go home, where I would have usually stayed over. I just needed to be alone for a while and did not do much of anything for the next several days. There was nothing that my Mum could have said or done to make things any different. I am glad that I was with her for Christmas and gave her an extra long hug before I left.

 

The next major event was New Year’s Eve. Last year we (Mags and I) spent it together at our friend Andrea’s parent’s house with some of our close friends. By this time last year, we knew that the cancer was serious and we had already made plans for her to go to Mexico to start treatment in mid January. The tumor on her shoulder while small was noticeable and caused her some discomfort. I stayed by her side most of the night and reminding people to be gentle when hugging her.

 

This year for New Year’s Eve I made plans to go update New York to Lynn and Steve’s place. Joe, Rob, Andrea, David, Tracy and Jay were also going. There was a snow storm heading toward the east coast and everyone wanted to get out of the city early to beat the outbound traffic and inbound storm. It was a five hour drive with the last 2 hours on a small country road; not the kind of drive that you wanted to do at night and in a snow storm. I could not leave too early due to some work commitments. Trying to organize who was going in which cars at what time was like pulling a slot machine and the combinations would change every hour. On the second to last pull, I was just going to drive up on my own when I was done with work. Joe and Rob thought differently and pulled the handle one more time so that they would pick me up on their way out of the city; I lived just outside of the Holland Tunnel on the Jersey side. I am glad that they did because if I was to leave on my own as the storm rolled in, I would have most likely not gone at all.

 

It was good to be with my friends even though it was difficult for me. I miss Mags when I am having fun, when I am sad, or when I am just doing normal life things. My fiends were great as I was able to be with them and when I needed a little space to be quite and alone, they gave me that also. I was doing ok until midnight on New Years Eve, when I lost all composure. I was sitting at the bar drinking my usual Captain and cokes with Joe and as the ball dropped, the reality of Mags not being here with me hit me like a tsunami of emotion. Joe just sat with me and listened to my babble. Over the next hour or so, I would feel a supportive hand on my shoulder or hug from behind. There was nothing more that they could do. While I did not say anything to them, I really appreciated their support.

 

We drove home from update NY on Saturday, January 3^rd and the next day was Mags’ birthday; she would have been 34 years old. I bought some yellow roses for the apartment and went for a long walk around the neighborhood to just think about her and us. It was one of those times that I just needed to be alone. I received several sms messages from friends and family thinking about Mags and I on that day. Also her friends in the UK got together and had an afternoon tea at a place that Mags always wanted to visit. My sadness just carried on for the next several weeks. I went to work; I did what I needed to do, and not much else. I just had no motivation to do much of anything.

 

On Valentine’s Day I took my favorite walk by the canal a block away from our apartment. I walked by the spot where we spent July 4^th and watched the fireworks; I thought about the times we walked by the canal and looked at the New York City skyline with hope. I would always try and learn new facts about NY so that I could tell her on these walks. I never really knew if she enjoyed the new facts or if her enjoyment came from her knowing that I enjoyed finding out new things about New York to tell her. I also thought about the times when I pushed her in her wheelchair when she did not have the strength to walk. I stopped at the places we would stop to enjoy the view or where I would read her the blog comments. As my friend Gam once suggested, I embraced my sadness. I just let it take over me for that time. I cried for a while and then my sadness subsided.

 

Later that day I realized that I have been stopped for the last several months; not knowing what to do or where to go next. Before Mags I enjoyed life and was happy. When I met Mags my life was forever altered for the better. My happiness (and hers) went beyond anything that I thought I could ever experience. Even when she was sick, a day with Mags was always a much better than a day without her. I treasured all of the moments that we shared. At the end her suffering was too great and it was ok to let her die.

 

Looking back I have no regrets about our time together or about the decisions that we made. We squeezed every drop of joy, happiness, and love out of the time that we were given.

 

I still struggle with looking at the future as it is a stark reminder that Mags is not here to share it with me. On some level I know that I will move on and that Mags would want me to find someone else to share my life with and that time will come when it does. Right now I take life one day at a time and do the best that I can with it.

 

Lots of Love,

 

Greg (and Mags)

 

PS The book is presently a collection of stories and I am still in gathering more. So if you have a story about Mags that you would like to share, I invite you to post it here.

December 21 – Update

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Hello All

 

Today is December 21, which would have been our one year and two month anniversary of our wedding. I am sure that at some point in the future I will not track time that way, though with Christmas almost upon us and Mags’ birthday, on January fourth, it is all still very fresh on my mind.

 

The blog has been a great way to share our (Mags and I) thoughts and has been a blessing for us as it gave us an outlet to say things to keep people informed. It also provided everyone a way to send their thoughts to us; I used to love reading the blog comments to Mags. My intension is to continue to update this blog and use it as a forum to tell stories about Margaret’s life. I am also working on a book that starts with our chance (or so we thought) meeting in the summer of ’05, to her clandestine visits to NY, to our engagement in her parent’s garage, to her moving to NY to be with me, to our wedding and honeymoons, and lastly to our fight with cancer. So while I have not written here is a while, there will be more entries on the way. Also Nola has set up a tribute page on FaceBook, which I shall provide a link to shortly.

 

Here is a brief summary of the last bunch of weeks. I will be writing more about some of the items below as the experiences were so moving and a few lines do not do it justice.

 

November 10^th – Memorial Service/Tribute at Holy Innocence – My best friend Shelly came with me, which took of some of the edge off of Mags not being with me. I was happy that he was with me and would like to thank his wife Laurie, son David, and daughter Danielle for supporting him to make the trip. I would also like to thank Clare Todd for putting us up and Emma Harvey for putting up with us. Clare opened up her home to us while we were there and made the whole experience more fulfilling.

 

Mags taught at Holy Innocence for eight years before she came to New York. The outpouring of love and support from everyone was overwhelming at times. I knew that I married a wonderful person, though to see the out pouring of her London community was humbling.

 

Many many thanks to Kathleen, the teachers, the parents, and especially the children who all contributed to such a wonderful tribute. I will be writing more about this experience.

 

 

November 15^th – I traveled to South Africa for a memorial service in Edenvale, Johannesburg, South Africa on November 16^th. This is where Mags grew up and again the outpouring of love and support was overwhelming. I even heard some new stories about Margaret.

 

November 17^th – We (the SA Tribe and I) drove to the Drakensberg for some time with family and close friends. It was one of Mags’ wishes that I spend some time with my SA family in the mountains where we met and our romance began. This was a very special and emotional time for me. On the Thursday of this week we spread some of Mags’ ashes on a rock outcropping where Mags and I started several hikes; it was a beautiful spot.

 

November 23^rd – I flew to Thailand for some quiet time. With all of the emotion of the last several weeks, I wanted some time alone. The first several days I spent in Khao Lak, where four years earlier I spent 6 weeks rebuilding villages that were destroyed in the Tsunami the previous December. It was nice to be back and see that the small town was doing very well. I found some time to sit near the beach and write as well as take some very long walks on the beach.

 

Trying to return from Thailand was a whole different matter. Protesters had taken over the airports at Bangkok and there were no flights going in or out. The Friday after Thanksgiving was the most frustrating and lonely day since Mags’ passing. All through the day, I tried to find an alternative way out of the country. Through the frustration, I could hear Mags saying that the situation could be worse. Then I would think about the tourists in Mumbai and my frustration subsided. I finally made my way out of Thailand via Singapore. And in fact, I was able to visit some dear friends, Chris and Leanne (and Clarissa and Jake), which greatly helped brighten my spirit.

 

After a few additional struggles with Expedia.com, I made it home on December 5^th. These last several weeks traveling to the UK and South Africa have been a great healing process for me and I hope for the friends and family that I have been able to spend some time with.

 

Thank you for all of your wonderful love and support though this very difficult time.

 

Lots of Love and Merry Christmas,

 

Greg (and Mags)

 

PS I have been home for a few weeks now and life has been difficult in a different way. Trying to find my way again during the Christmas season has not been easy. I do not have the words at the moment to describe these feelings. I guess the best way to describe it is that I feel lost with out Mags at my center. So things take a longer for me to get done and it takes me a little longer to get motivated. I guess that this is just going to take the time that it takes.

October 21 – Our Wedding Anniversary

Hello All,

 

As many of you know, Tuesday, October 21^st was our one year wedding anniversary. I met up with several friends at Riverside Park in NY where Mags and I used to eat dinner watching the sunset over the Hudson River. Since we lived just 300 yards from the park we would often prepare dinner, package it up with a bottle of wine, take a leisurely walk to the park, and eat on her picnic blanket. It was a special place for us. One of her last requests was to have some of her ashes sprinkled in the park. It was a day filled with many different emotions.

 

I was sad that Mags is no longer with us and the hole in my life is enormous. You cannot see it, or touch it, or quantify it. It is not being able to reach out and hold her hand, hug her, or make her smile. This feeling permeated the entire day.

 

It was also a day of remembering the wonderful times with Mags. I went to the neighborhood early and walked around some. I stopped at one of our favorite bars for a glass of wine, something we often did together. I bought her some yellow roses at the corner Korean store where we used to visit at least once a week; Mags loved her flowers.  I walked by the organic soup/juice place where we visited when we found out that Mags was ill.

 

The leaves on the trees were in many different shades of autumn colors. It was windier than our wedding day, though the feeling was present. In fact I felt her presence all around me (us) that day which was comforting as well as sad. Sometimes if I close my eyes, stop the noise, and think of her, I can feel her support and love.

 

Memorial Services – Holy Innocence is having a memorial service on November 10^th in Orpington, UK. There will also be a memorial service in Johannesburg South Africa on November 16^th. I am happy to say that I will be attending both services. I have posted the details in a separate entry on this blog.

 

Thank you for being a part of our lives and celebrating Mags’ life.

 

Lots of Love,

 

Greg (and Mags)

October 15 – Update

Hello All,

 

First, I would like to say thank you for the many cards, notes, texts, prayers, and love that you have been sending me and my family. It is all very comforting and helpful.

 

How am I doing?  Well, my normal answer most times is “as well as can be expected.” I have ok days and then very, very sad days. When I am busy, it is not too bad, though some days the sadness takes over. This past Wednesday was just one of those days. It was an ordinary day, though at lunch time I really missed not being able to call Mags as I would usually do. The day went down hill from there and sad thoughts just kept on coming. Now not every day is like that and I try to be with the sadness as I know that it is part of the grieving process. There are so many big and little things that I miss about Mags.  

 

This time last year the SA tribe (and UK tributary) + my Mom and my brother Salvatore + some friends were in Vermont for the pre-wedding gathering. It was Mags idea to spend time quality time with everyone prior to the wedding. I can remember practicing our first dance with Mags wearing her petticoat over her cloths and Liam trying to sneak underneath. I was so nervous about that dance, though Mags had a wonderful way of keeping it fun. John took some fabulous pictures that I will always cherish.  The countryside was beautiful as the leaves were a mosaic of fall colors and were peaking at the time. I also remember walking through one of the small towns holding Mags hand and enjoying all of it.

 

Logistics:

 

Peter & Elna went home on September 24^th and started immediately on grandparent babysitting duty. I think that John and Jen have them booked for the next six months out. Everyone was happy to see them be home. It was sad to see them leave as we had just been through so much.

 

Tam also went home on the 24^th and had a few days before getting back to her teaching. I am very glad that she was able to make it here for the services. She made more of a difference than I am sure that she realizes.

 

I have booked my flight to South Africa for November 14^th. The week of November 17^th we will spend in the Drakensberg with family and some friends. It was one of Mags’ wishes that the family would all gather where our romance all began.  The following week I am going to Thailand to a small village called Khao Lak that I went to 3 years ago (after stopping in South Africa and meeting Mags first) to help rebuild villages that were destroyed by the tsunami. It is a very peaceful place with access to some excellent diving. Then I return to the states on December 3^rd. I am looking forward to this trip.

 

I believe that there is a memorial service in Johannesburg on November 16^th, and will provide details as I get them.

 

Holy Innocence is having a memorial service on November 11^th for Mags. I wish that I could attend as Mags so enjoyed teaching there and loved her students. She has told me so many stories about them.

 

Making a Difference:

 

I have received a great deal of feedback that people look at life a little differently after reading this blog and appreciate the people in their life a little more. This makes me very happy and I know that it would please Mags as well. So I will continue to post to this blog and invite you to also. Thanks you for taking this journey with me.

 

Lots of Love,

 

Greg (and Mags)  

October 5 – Next Steps

Hello All,

 

It has been two weeks since Mags passed away and I am still trying to adjust to the reality that she is no longer here. I am sure that many of you are dealing with the loss in your own way.  

 

I started this blog initially to provide a conduit for support and as a communication vehicle to share our healing efforts with you. Later became a space to tell stories about Mags and jokes to keep her spirits up. Then it morphed into a channel for many of you around the world to express your love and support for Mags and I. I loved reading her your posts and emails as they made her very happy. She also got to experience the HUGE difference that she made in the world and I am very happy and thankful for that.

 

This blog was also a medium for me to share my thoughts, fears, concerns, and love for Mags. I was commutating for both of us so at times it was difficult to distinguish whose thoughts I was writing.

 

In any case, there is still more to be said about Mags, my relationship with her, and her relationship with everyone. She was a very special soul that left us way way too soon. Perhaps there is still something for us to learn from her in the way that she lived her life. Writing this blog has helped me more clearly see the impact that Mags made by her just being herself. It also helped me accept that when she died, she was no longer suffering. So while I miss her more that I can express, I do know that she is in a better place.

 

Invitation:  So I plan on continuing this blog for a while and I invite all of you to come along. There is more to say about Mags and I want to use this forum to say it. I would also invite all of you to contribute your thoughts and feelings.  What characteristics of Mags do you never want to lose? Never forget? Have every day of your life? This blog has become a shared space for all of us and I invite you to write what you feel if you would like.

 

I can remember when Mags and I came to a new city or town and the first time we would step out the door from where we were staying, we would pause contemplating where to go. Many times we would just start walking to see where the road would take us. Well I am standing at the doorway right now, with out Mags and without a clue where to go or what to do. The only thing to do is to start moving forward and see what will unfold.

 

Lots of Love,

 

Greg (and Mags)

September 26- Eulogy for Mags

 

On Friday, September 26^th, we had memorial service for Mags at OLC in Jersey City, which was followed by hanging some flowers (and sprinkling some rose petals) in Riverside Park in NY were Mags and I often had dinner while watching the sunset. (We lived just a block away when Mags first moved to NY) After the service we all gathered at a local restaurant for the afternoon.

 

This is the first of two memorial services that we will have for Mags the second being in South Africa in late November or very early December. Below is the eulogy that I read at the service. Since you are all part of Mags’ (and my) community, I felt it appropriate to share it with you here.  

 

Thank you all for coming here today.  Your thoughts, prayers, love, and support are much appreciated.

 

Even though I have known that this day was coming, there was no way to prepare for the feeling of loss.  Part of me is very happy for Mags as she is no longer suffering. At the same time there is a HUGE hole in my heart.

 

The person that Mags grew into is a tribute to Peter and Elna as she was not the most, shall I say, well behaved child. There was one story that I heard where Mags and her friend Lucy were having a peach fight with the neighbors. What Mags did not realize was that the peaches that she was lobbing over the fence were streaking the sheets that were hanging out to dry.  This did not end well for her and Lucy.

 

After she got her teaching certificate she moved to the UK to take up a position at Holy Innocence. She enjoyed teaching and her students enjoyed her. She made friends and held on to them even as they scatted around the globe.  She was an adventurous spirit that could not be contained.

 

Mags always made time for people and had a way of making everyone feel good about themselves. She brought out the best in people. As a teacher she made her students feel very special and they all walked away with a part of her.  Her friends around the globe and all have a part of Mags with them. The comments on Mags’ blog are a tribute to the impact that she made in people’s lives. I am happy that she got the opportunity to hear their acknowledgements.

 

In a world of imperfections, Mags was perfect. Mags would dream big and then together we would find a way to make those dreams come true.  The final outcome may not have always been exactly as she had envisioned, though we enjoyed every step of the journey. Whether it was planning our wedding, the family vacation before and after our wedding, our honeymoons, or our fight with her cancer. Yes, even her fight with cancer was dealt with dignity and grace that amazed me every day. She would never complain or feel sorry for herself.  And we would always find a reason to smile.

 

I remember when I proposed to Mags over the Christmas Holidays in South Africa. We were so busy visiting various friends and attending parties that there was no good time to ask her. It got to a point that I could not wait any longer and I asked her in the car in her parent’s garage.  No ring, no plan, just the desire to spend the rest of my life with her.

 

A month later I remember the first time that she met my whole family.  It was in the middle of winter and we were at my sister Rosemarie’s house; in fact it was an engagement party for us. Now my sister has an above ground pool, which was frozen solid. My nephews and niece wanted to go for a slide on the ice. Well I went to look for Kevin, Rosemarie’s husband, and the next thing that I know, there is Mags on the frozen pool with the kids giving everyone pushes as they slide across the ice. They were having so much fun.

 

About two months before our wedding Mags informed me that she wanted to have a “fun” first dance. Now I am not a dancer and do not know how she talked me into it, though next thing that I knew is that we are clearing the furniture in our tiny studio apartment in NY to practice.  I never enjoyed a dance as much as I enjoyed that dance. Mags had a magic about her that makes the impossible possible.

 

While I am greatly saddened by the loss of Mags, I am also grateful for the time we have shared. I am grateful that we got married, grateful that she moved here to be with me, grateful that she shared her life with me, grateful for the love and support of her family and friends, and grateful that I was able to support her through her illness. Given everything that we have been through, I would still do it all again in a heart beat.

 

When we got married, I used to ask her often, who was luckier than me? Knowing my response she would still ask with a bit of a sly smile, who? And I would respond boldly, “nobody.”  In these last few months I would ask her every day “would you marry me?” and she would smile and say “twice a day.” Marrying Mags was the best thing that I have ever done.

 

Mags will be missed as a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a teacher, a friend, and a wife. She had a great life and would want us to celebrate that life and not dwell in the sadness for too long.

 

So in closing, I have a request. Please think about your most favorite Mags characteristic. Hold on to it and keep it safe. Use it often, make it yours forever. That would make her very happy.  

 

Memorial Servcies Detail

The following Masses are dedicated to the celebration of the life of Margaret “Mags” Iorio (Miss Rivers-Moore)

 

Place: Holy Innocents Catholic Church, Orpington, United Kingdom

Date: Monday 10^th November 2008

Time: 10:00 am

 

Place: St Chad’s Anglican Church, corner 4^th St and 8^th Ave, Edenvale, South Africa

Date: Sunday 16^th November 2008

Time: 11:30 am

Phone: 011 609 7504

September 26 – Shared Thoughts about Mags

 

At the gathering after the service on September 26^th, several special people read some thoughts about Mags or sent them in from afar. They were wonderful thoughts and allowed us to remember the wonder that Mags was and the impact that she made to all of us.

 

Below are some of those wonderful remembrances about Mags that I wanted to share with you. Mags led a great life and I (we) have learned so much from her. Please contribute your thoughts about Mags here for all to see. Some people spoke without prepared words and I invite them to recreate their thoughts here also. Also, for everyone that could not attend the service and would like to say something, I also invite you to share your thoughts here.

 

From John (and Jen) Rivers-Moore

 

You are my sister and will always be my little sisterfer.

 

Your first memorial service takes place today in America. We will be at our Church garden of remembrance at the same time. I’ve put together some special memories to share with Mom, Dad, Greg and the many dear friends that you touched in your short vibrant stay on this small planet.

 

It feels like a much emptier home, now that you’re gone.

 

When we were there two weeks ago we knew it would be for the last time together as the family, although Graham and I were missing the newer part of our and your family with our way better halves of Anna and Jenny who had stayed at home.

 

I had bought the Moulin Rouge DVD in NYC (which I love because the music is so powerful) and right now I’ve got it playing in the background. It dramatically tells the story of love and love tragically lost. We sat with you on the coach where you were to take your last breath and watched it together on the night before I flew home. I thought the parallels to you (and Greg) were so evident when Nicole Kidman sang…

 

“When will I begin to live again

 

One day I’ll fly away…

 

Leave all this to yesterday

 

What more could your love do for me

 

When will love be through with me?”

 

You have now flown away on the wings of angels and you are with God, looking after our Erin in Heaven. But love is not through with you. Your life has touched us with so much love and there are so many special memories. I stayed up for most of the night thinking back on some. Here are just 10 memories of why you will always be so special to us:

 

 

#1

Your natural curly blond locks that you had until you were about 3 years old and then you had your haircut too short and the curls never came back. After that (when you were a lot older than 3) you had the most wonderful long blond hair that, occasionally brushing in the wind teased all the guys and their rubbernecks. Was it the long blond hair that gave them whiplash or was it the peek of your perfect cleavage as you walked past on the beach in your bikini?? You will always be beautiful.

 

#2

Remember travelling to Pietermaritzburg in the Peugeot when we were kids to spend Christmas holidays with Granny and Grandpa. We watched the speedometer to make sure we didn’t miss when it reached each 50km from our starting point and then we claimed a sweet each. (this was an 800km trek) We always asked if we were “nearly there” a hundred times and ducked to avoid Dad’s hand sweeping around when he reacted to our misbehaving. It was normally Graham who hid behind you – not me!!!

 

#3

Behind your sparkling eyes and your beautiful smile, that you flashed so readily, you showed a genuine care and love that you showered on all you came into contact with. I remember you spending hours and nights and weekends getting things, like puppets, masks, and props ready for your school kids. Jen and I joined you for a tour of your school in Orpington and from the glow in the faces of your pupils I knew I would have loved to have had a teacher like you.

 

#4.

Being with Jen and me at the birth of our children, Erin, Liam and shortly after Cameron joined us too. Too many tears of sadness and of joy and you were there!!!

 

#5

For the wonderful gifts you sent to the Liam and Cameron. Did English Catholic School teachers get discounts from bookshops? The “Duck in a Truck” books were the first ones the kids grabbed to remind them of you.

 

#6

You shared such a special relationship with Mom and Dad, even in recent years when you were so far away in London and America. You made special plans to visit at Easter or Christmas. So often you couldn’t stay just a few days longer so that we could share your birthday on the 4^th of January as you had to get back to school. I remember especially the beautiful yellow roses you bought for Mom last year for her birthday up in Vermont. Jen remembers more than I do that Mom was still stitching up your high school dance dress at the last minute as you walked out to the dance.

 

#7

We remember the effort you took to join Jen and me on our trips to Europe

The skiing trip when you joined 12 of our friends in Cervinia, Italy – when we chased Super Mario, our ski instructor all around the piste

Then joining us again another year in Sicily at Toarmina, chasing up the volcano of Mount Etna with Graham. We shared Parma ham and Rocket on a pizza for the first time.

 

#8

Travelling together around Norway on the way to Graham’s wedding in Sweden, ice creams in Bergen, cruising on the Geringer Fjord and hiking in the high passes with you getting to know your 18 month old nephew better. The little red and blue jacket you gave Liam then has been passed onto Cameron now.

 

#9

You were the most beautiful, happy and vibrant bride marrying our dear (and dark) friend Greg. You gave him a lifetime of happiness in just 2 short years and he gave you the same in return. You two practiced so hard at the dance and while I disagreed with the words of the song – you really churned around the dance floor. I remember all the dances we shared together at many weddings but most especially at your wedding. I loved dancing with you and you were always up for a party!!

 

#10

We also remember the scare you gave us and yourself 7 years ago when your cancer was first diagnosed. You’ve lived ten lifetimes since then and found true and pure love but you couldn’t keep your flame burning for a full honeymoon year.

 

My sole regret is that we cannot make any new memories and we really longed for the next 40 years of growing less blond together.

 

Finally (and this feels as long as the speech I made at your wedding!) my other favorite song from Moulin Rouge to remind me forever of you is “Come what May!” and so until we meet again…

 

“I will love you until the end of time,

 

Come what may!!!

 

I will love you until my dying days!!!”

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 
From Gray and Anna Rivers-Moore:
 
“When you are sorrowful look in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”

Mags, it is with such sorrow that we say goodbye to you today, but it is with the knowledge that you leave behind so many memories filled by smiles and laughter, so many delightful times and memories that we have the privilege to carry with us. Mags, we will always miss you, but you will always be here.
Sometimes the oceans seems so much greater and the distance seem so incredibly far apart, but we are there with you today if only in our thoughts. Greg, Peter and Elna, we wish we were there.

Mags, sleep in peace.
 
All our love Gray and Anna

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 
From Kjell and Gunilla Janne’ and the family (Anna’s Family)
 
It is with very sad hearts that we send our deepest condolences to you Greg, Peter and Elna and John and Gray with families. You are in our thoughts.  Rest in Peace Mags.
 
Kjell and Gunilla Janne’ with family

September 23 – Mags’ Last Days

Dear All,

 

While we are in the process of mourning our loss of Mags, there are a few things that I need to say about her last days.

 

On Friday, September 19^th, we sent Peter & Elna up to Connecticut to visit my Mom for a few days for two reasons. The first reason was to give them a break from caring for Mags around the clock and the second, to give Mags and I some “husband/wife” time.  They were reluctant to go, though understood our need for some alone time. They took my car with them, so I needed to do some shopping early on Friday before they left.

 

Knowing that Sunday, September 21, would be our official 11 month wedding anniversary, I went to the flower shop on Friday morning and purchase another three dozen roses. This was our 11 month anniversary of our “wedding,” which should not be confused with the 11^th month anniversary of our “official document signing” at City Hall. Anyhow, I placed the roses on our bed just in front of her, so that when she woke up, they would be the first thing that she would see.  

 

Later when she awoke she gave a bit of a scream that sent me running into the room. Then she said with a smile in her weak, though excited, voice “look at the beautiful flowers,” she was quite pleased. As most of you know, Mags loves flowers.  We did not know how much longer we would have Mags so I wanted to make every day as special as possible.

 

Most of the remainder of Friday Mags slept. The night was a bit rough for Mags, though she managed to get some rest in the early morning hours.  By 10 am she was up and I prepared her some toast with honey. These last few weeks Mags has been having some treats whether it would be chocolate biscuits or some ice cream. When we were on the Gerson program, there were no treats and now there was no reason to continue the ban. It was a fun, light hearted day. We were being silly with each other and remembering the fun times we have shared.

 

In the afternoon we decided to go for a walk, well she rolled and I pushed. We went on our usually route over by the cannel with a view of New York City and then around by the local deli, where I was persuaded to pick up some additional ice cream. She had developed a taste for Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie. During the walk I read her your latest comments from this blog. Some made us cry, some made us chuckle, and some made us feel warm and fussy inside. They were wonderful and we enjoyed them all. A Special Thanks to all of her students at Holy Innocence who have added comments. Your notes, among others, made it easy for her to see the HUGE impact that she made in your lives and for me, I got a glimpse into how special my wife was to so many.  I always knew my wife was wonderful, though it was a whole different experience to read your comments.

 

When we got back to our flat, we settled down to watch a little TV together. Shortly after we got comfortable, Mags stopped breathing and her struggle was over. While it was difficult to accept, I know that Mags is better off now that she is no longer in pain and se has no more suffering.

 

Thank You again for your support, prayers, thoughts, comments, and love.  

 

 

Lots of love,

 

Greg (and Mags)